the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
