1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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