we have officially lost it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize
