Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
