Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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