he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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