I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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