The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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