I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
