dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
