Non-Jews are for practice
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It all started with a game of naked twister.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
