What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
