Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
