O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
