my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Even my vagina gasped.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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