I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
