She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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