Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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