he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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