Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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