so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
