I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
