I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
