Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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