so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just tell him i said nine months
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
