My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
