I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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