Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
