I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
