Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
