Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
