So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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