My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
