I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
