I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
