I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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