I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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