I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
