go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
