Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
