as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
