remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
