Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
