I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
