We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
