there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
