Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
