No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
