it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
