Sponge bath it is.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
