I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
