I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
